Going Out of Business Sale

I am a 56 year old male. I have decided to get a vasectomy next month and I would like to impregnate a woman before I have this procedure done. It would behoove you to act quickly for maximum exposure to my sperm. I will only do this naturally without condoms. If your husband can't do the job, I can.

Having been asked previously by several couples who were friends of mine to donate sperm, I learned from their doctors that I have an extreme sperm level. I can give you multiple loads of sperm per meeting to increase your chances of getting pregnant.

Many of my physical traits are influenced by recessive genes. Therefore, it is most likely that the child would resemble the mother in most instances. It will be easy to deceive your family and friends into thinking it is your husbands child. It will be our secret. You will not see me again.

If you are 18-24, healthy, attractive, I am available to you. I will be very attentive, supportive, and encouraging, during this process. My vasectomy is in 5 weeks so it would behoove you to contact me as soon as possible.

Geriatric Seeks Part-Time Wife

Senior gentleman seeking.  Please read this entire ad before you move on.  Thank you.  Yes, I am married.  The offer is this and it is not necessarily about sex:  Would you like to have a part-time husband?  No laundry, no cleaning up after.  No bad moods.  No excessive drunkenness.  Just the good part of being married, without the B.S.

I have Monday, Wednesday and Friday without a wife and when she is here it's like she isn't.  I am very serious.  I need a part-time wife, because the woman I have been living with for the past 26 years, the best years of my life, doesn't know I am alive and couldn't care less about me.

She told me to go find someone to have sex with.  I thought she was kidding but she wasn't.  This isn't something that you tell someone that you care about.  I told her I went out Monday and had sex and she didn't bat an eye.  She was glad that I did what she told me to do.  I actually didn't.  But she doesn't know that. 

 Like I said, this is not about sex although it could lead to that someday, I would hope.  It's about not wanting to be alone at this late date in life.  It's too late to start over with a whole new set of problems and issues with another person.  So I thought I would try this.

 A part-time companion.  What do you think?  Please be in somewhat good condition and not too terrible looking.  I am not trying to be picky though.  Please don't have many medical problems, but a few are okay.  I mean, if your whole kitchen cupboard is filled with prescription medicine we may not be a good match. 
Please send a description of yourself. 

I am white, 6 feet tall and 180 lbs, D/D free and in reasonable health.  Everything that I do is for the woman in my life.  Some appreciation would be nice once in awhile.

What am I Doing Wrong?

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush.  I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl.  I'm articulate and classy.  I'm not from New York.  I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year.  I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board?  Any wives?  Could you send me some tips?  I dated a business man who makes an average around 200-250.  But that's where I seem to hit a road block.  250,000 won't get me to Central Park West.  I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in TriBeCa, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a genious.  So what is she doing right?  How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

-- Where do you single rich men hang out?  Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms

-- What are you looking for in a mate?  Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

--  Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

-- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain?  I've seen really plain Jane boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys.  I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the East Village.  What's the story there?

--  Jobs I should look out for?  Everyone knows - lawyer, doctor, investment banker.  How much do these guys really make?  And where do they hang out?  Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

--  How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend?  I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults - I'm putting muself out there in an honest way.  Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it.  I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

Cat Lady

I like driving around with my two cats, especially on the freeway. I make them wear little hats so that I can use the carpool lane. Way too much time on your hands too? Call me. SWF, 42, 5'10", brown/blue.  Non-smokers only please, and 420 friendly helps.

Read Between the Lines

A Dream Come True!!!

I am an avid hunter and have hunted a lot on and off the past few years.  This year I want to use my bow in the late deer season, which is is in mid December.  I am not kidding about this.  This is no joke.  It's a five hour drive for me.

Now, I could hang out in a motel waching TV.  Either that or I have a proposition for you.  We could go out and have fun, laugh, and do something different.  That's right, I am looking for a place to hold up for the night or weekend I guess you could say.  I will wine and dine you and be respectful and leave before the sun comes up.

About myself -- I am 45, single, straight, have all my major teeth.  As my companion I will show up with a well manered labrador retriver, {AKA, huntin dog}.  I will send photos, if need be, to be very up front.  If you're  looking for Mr. Rite, it's problely not me.  This is about putting the smack down on a big deer.  I will trade you a weekend that is all about you, whether you prefer golf or fishing if need be.  Thanks for looking at this.  Wish you the best of luck.....

Dutch Treat